you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
