I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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