Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
