OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
