no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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