Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
