i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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