drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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