There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
