My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
