It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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