she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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