Don't you send me to vm
I'm so fucking centered right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
