Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
