If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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