plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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