Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
