Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
