His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
