if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
