i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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