I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
