How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
