I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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