you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
