god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
