You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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