shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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