i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im holly from the hills drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
