You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
