my phone needs a breathalizer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
