I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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