So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
