at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have fence marks all over my body
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
