And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
