if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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