my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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