Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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