I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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