Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize