friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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