I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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