Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i will never coherently bang her
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
