HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
worst night to have a conscience
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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