roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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