hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
