she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
