dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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