Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
