there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We have started to decorate penises.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
