It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
