I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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