dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
