Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i drank out of a bidet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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