You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
