She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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