He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize