And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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