He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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