I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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