i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
