Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
