guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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