Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
