Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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