i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
