I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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