They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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